I am not a good hugger, but I am working on it.
I didn’t realize that I was a lousy hugger until my friend Terri told me, “You are a lousy hugger.” I was slightly insulted. Wouldn’t you be? So I asked her, “What makes a good hug?” She replied, “Well, you could start by skipping that little pat on the back. And use both hands when you give a hug.”
Some of you are likely thinking the same thing that I was when my friend told me this. A few generations of us have been taught to respect the space of others and to avoid anything that could be construed as an unwanted sexual advance — and for good reason.
Quite frankly, I didn’t grow up in a family that hugged or kissed or said, “I love you,” so I didn't’ know that those things were right or wrong. They just didn’t happen. Then my parents divorced, and that changed my father — and his view on hugs.
Dad told me that after the divorce, he had to decide if he was going to be angry the rest of his life or do everything he could to love his family. He opted for the latter, and part of that approach was a lot of heart-warming hugs for me every time I saw him.
I remember being on a visit home from college when my friend Mike and I had dinner with my father. When we were ready to leave, Dad walked over and gave me the customary hug. And then he quickly marched over to my friend Mike and gave him a big hug, too. I was embarrassed, but I ignored it and proceeded out the door to my vehicle. When Mike got in the car, I noticed that he had a big smile on his face. He then looked at me and exclaimed, “Your dad is a peach!” He explained to me how his father never hugged him. I then realized how lucky I was, and how impactful a well-meaning and caring hug can be.
With all this in mind, I try to hug my family members every time I see them. I am sure I embarrass my kids sometimes, but that’s OK. Someday they may truly appreciate this. In the meantime, I am also being a bit selfish. Because as novelist Diana Rowland has said, “The good thing about hugs is that when you give one, you get one.”
Have a thoughtful Thursday, and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305 | 
