I don’t cry often. It’s not that I’m a tough guy. I just don’t feel the need to frequently cry. I’ve shed tears maybe a dozen or so times in my adult life. One of those was when my father passed. The other dozen or so were when my kidney stones passed.
Some people say passing kidney stones is the male equivalent of giving birth. Clearly, I can’t make that comparison, but I can equate it to shooting paper spit wads through a straw — except the spit wads are more like cockleburs, and the straw is more like a foot-long coffee stirrer.
The first time I was passing a stone about 15 years ago, I didn’t know what was going on. The pain started in my back and worked its way around. It was intense, and I hadn’t used the bathroom facilities in more than 24 hours. It felt like someone punched me in my internal organs and then put a pliers on them and started twisting.
I ended up asking Jolene to take me to the emergency room where I not-so-patiently squirmed on the waiting room floor. I was eventually given a body scan, and the ER doctor matter-of-factly told me, “Well, you have at least seven kidney stones. What do you want me to do about it?” I then not-so-matter-of-factly told him that he was the “expletive” doctor and that I would appreciate his advice. He explained that there were some surgical options, but he said it would be best if I passed the stones naturally. Then he said I should drink lots of water. Easy for him to say. When your internal organs are filling up like a water balloon, drinking water isn’t very desirable.
I asked the doctor how long it would take to pass a stone, and he told me it would likely be anywhere from two days to two weeks. Two weeks later, I passed the first stone. It was a glorious moment.
I have lost track of how many kidney stones I have passed since that day, and I gave up on the various dietary changes to prevent them from forming. I tried them all, and they still keep developing. I also tried many home remedies for helping stones pass. They don’t seem to aid much either. And, yes, I even had the stones blasted, and that also turned out to be ineffective.
Of course, there are much worse things in life, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself — as I grab a tissue and get ready for the next round of tears.
Have a terrific Tuesday, and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305 | 
