We are officially in the fall season, and you know what that means — flies! In fact, I am convinced that FALL stands for FLIES ARE LIVING LARGE.
Some people associate flies with summer, and I can deal with them during those months. It’s when the weather turns cold that these flying pests start seeking warmth, and that means my house, my office and my car. And by this time of year, they are linebacker-sized, too.
My dad would often state his feelings about flies. He took incredible satisfaction in squashing them. “He won’t do that again,” he would state after introducing each one to his flyswatter.
Dad also had a nice, yet roundabout, way of reminding us kids about his dislike for flies. “Close the door,” he would tell us. “You are letting all the flies out.”
I wish it actually worked that way, especially in my car. I have a family of 12 flies residing in there right now, and they seem to like to land on my face while I am driving. Despite my best efforts to shoo them out the windows, they just zig-zag around my windshield.
Clearly the brains of flies aren’t very large, but they must have an incredible sense of surrounding. Despite how much I try to swat them away with my hands, they keep coming back — until, of course, I have a flyswatter in my hand. Then they are nowhere to be found. I was baffled by this until I read that a fly can live for two days without its head.
If you actually like flies, you may want to skip this paragraph. When we were kids, my friend Ian showed me how he would catch flies and put them in the microwave. We would patiently watch what would happen as they would buzz around inside the humming appliance for 30 seconds. Needless to say, it didn’t end well for the fly. It also didn’t end well for Ian once his mother found out he was doing this. If there is any solace in this story, it is that the life span of a house fly is only four weeks. Ian was just speeding things along.
Have you tried one of those battery-operated, hand-held flyswatters? I love gadgets as much as anyone, but I have yet to buy one of these things. But, who knows, Christmas is just around the corner. Unfortunately — or fortunately — the flies will either be dead or be hibernating by then. Regardless, the flies are certainly slower right now, and, as such, they become easier prey.
At least for some people.
Have a marvelous Monday, and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com | 
